so today something horrible happened.
i lost my notebook.
and although this may not sound like much, for me, its like losing my right arm.
in the book was hours and hours of my personal work.
observational writing, personal writing, hundreds of my most valued quotes by amazingly inspirational people, my deepest thoughts and feelings, not to mention all of the things i fear most along with the many flaws...
its not only the fact that i have lost something i hold so dear, its the thought that someone at uni may have picked it up and read some, if not all of it... i hope that someone handed it in, but im not placing any hope on it. i'd be suprised if anyone even bothered to pick it up.
when i got home and realised what had happened, well lets just say, if i could have shot myself in the foot, i would have! when i couldnt find the book after searching my car, i realised what had happened.
"it was on the roof. it was on the roof of my car when i was getting my keys out... i've driven off without it..."
there was no one to blame but me. why didnt i listen to my gut? had i not said to myself that morning and again when getting my stuff outta the car, "dont take it in, leave it in the car, cos if anything happens to that book you wont know what to do with yourself"... and sure enough...
THANKS VERY MUCH KARMA AND FATE... u a-holes... i no i cant reeeally blame it on that, but it helps to blame it on something else as well as my stupid self.
i dont think im getting across the importance of this little notebook to me, i take it everywhere. literally everywhere. if its not on my bed its in my car on the seat next to me or in my handbag if not in my hands themselves. i feel like a little part of my has disappeared... dramatic it may sound, but its the truth.
and the thing is, this isnt like losing your keys or losing your phone, keys can be re-cut, phone can be replaced, but this... this is on a hole other playing field. when i realised what had happened, i felt sick. like physically sick and in all seriousness wanted to cry!
why didint i just listen to my instincts and go with my gut? why do we always do that. arent we always told "go with your gut instincts" or "do what you think is right". why do we always question ourselves. why dont we just do what we know we should and not compromise that by second guessing? that way we can avoid disasters.
huh... all i know is that tonight im going to lie there awake dreading the fate of the book i hold so dear and prey that its somewhere in the carpack that im gonna search tomorrow... and hey, there may actually still be a decent person out there who has found it, picked it up and handed it in.
here's hoping.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment