Its late afternoon and as I'm walking to my car, I reach for my keys from my pocket and aim them in the cars direction, surprised that the broken central locking button worked first time.
As I open the door to throw my bag on the back seat, even though the muggy humid day is coming to an end, the intensity of the heat inside the car becomes more evident.
Once seated in the car, I place the key in the ignition and it takes a second to turn over cause the old girls on gas. I can barely touch the sweltering steering wheel as the hot wind streaming from the air con blasts into my face, defeating the purpose of trying to cool down.
I sigh. Should have waited for the car to warm up first.
Pulling out onto the main road, I know my concentration will only linger for a moment before I drift off into thought. Maybe it's the motion of the car as it travels along the road that enables one to feel completely alone and free to think without interruption.
With the melodic Damien Rice playing in the background, the song changes to 'The Blower's Daughter' and my mind begins to wander. It was only a matter of time.
After a moment or two of unspecific thought, I come to realise that, subconsciously, I have been thinking of you the whole time. Reliving moments that had happened only minutes before, over and over in my mind. A look, a laugh, a smile, whether directed at me or not, they stick in my mind.
Stuck in traffic on the Monash, I sit in quite thought, wondering why I can't seem to get you off my mind...
Laughing at what you may have said or done, remembering the way your hole face lights up when you smile, and contemplating what it would be like to be allowed to get lost in your eyes. Wishing it was possible to stop time in order to study your face properly without being caught. And realising that when our eyes do meet, I have to force myself to look away.
I sit trying to understand why whenever I see you, my stomach jumps and a nervous excitement stirs inside me.
As I open the door to throw my bag on the back seat, even though the muggy humid day is coming to an end, the intensity of the heat inside the car becomes more evident.
Once seated in the car, I place the key in the ignition and it takes a second to turn over cause the old girls on gas. I can barely touch the sweltering steering wheel as the hot wind streaming from the air con blasts into my face, defeating the purpose of trying to cool down.
I sigh. Should have waited for the car to warm up first.
Pulling out onto the main road, I know my concentration will only linger for a moment before I drift off into thought. Maybe it's the motion of the car as it travels along the road that enables one to feel completely alone and free to think without interruption.
With the melodic Damien Rice playing in the background, the song changes to 'The Blower's Daughter' and my mind begins to wander. It was only a matter of time.
After a moment or two of unspecific thought, I come to realise that, subconsciously, I have been thinking of you the whole time. Reliving moments that had happened only minutes before, over and over in my mind. A look, a laugh, a smile, whether directed at me or not, they stick in my mind.
Stuck in traffic on the Monash, I sit in quite thought, wondering why I can't seem to get you off my mind...
Laughing at what you may have said or done, remembering the way your hole face lights up when you smile, and contemplating what it would be like to be allowed to get lost in your eyes. Wishing it was possible to stop time in order to study your face properly without being caught. And realising that when our eyes do meet, I have to force myself to look away.
I sit trying to understand why whenever I see you, my stomach jumps and a nervous excitement stirs inside me.
It's then that my imagination gets the better of me. I wonder if you ever think of me in return… I doubt it. But if you did, could this develop into something? Could it work? The image pops into my head of you taking my hand in yours and with a reassuring look and a wink, you let me know that everything will be okay and that you're never far away. I wonder what it would be like to kiss you… whether you're the soft and tender type, or one who is gentle but understands when the strong passionate embrace is necessary…
A car cuts me off, shocking me back into reality and the driver receives a universally recognised and understood gesture.
In all honesty, I don't know if I was more annoyed at the car cutting me off or allowing my imagination and curiosity to consume my thoughts and give me some kind of false hope… stupid mind!
I notice that the sun is setting casting streaks of yellow, orange and pink across the sky, as if smudged together. The fluffy navy clouds the only thing disturbing one of nature's most spectacular displays.
I grin at the idea that other drivers may have seen me deep in thought, laughing and smiling at nothing… Probably thought I was nuts and wouldn't be half wrong to think so!
I glance over at the inbound traffic, jealous of the fact that they are moving continuously without interruption, while I sit at a standstill on a road that never ends… I'll never understand peak hour traffic.
I find myself giggling at the sight of a cattle truck going past with a cow hanging its head out the side of the truck, the way a dog does as it hangs its head out the window of a car. Although all humour is suddenly lost and my stomach turns at the thought of their fate.
Despite this, the thought of you floods my mind and I can't seem to stop the flow of thought, no matter how hard I try. I begin to contemplate whether or not fate really exists. Are you my reward for putting up with all the fuckwits in the past? Maybe you're my good Karma…
Maybe this is working the way it did with my friends… I dealt with so many people who were pathetic excuses for friends in my past that I was rewarded with people like Dee and Matty and Brodie and Josh... Maybe you're my reward! Here's hoping!
So deep in thought I nearly miss my exit. Amazed I'm nearly home already, the CD is back to the beginning and my favourite song 'Delicate'.
As I pull into my street I come to the conclusion that you've had a bigger impact on me than I realised and that I've wanted to admit. Only making things even harder to understand because I don't know how to feel about all this… Not to mention whether or not I should allow myself to feel anything about this… ERGH! What a pickle! What to do now is my next concern.
As I climb the stairs to my front door, it feels as though my head will explode from all the things I've tried to figure out on the way home. And, the more I think about it; maybe my horoscope was right… "Try not to let your fear of change prevent you from pushing into new emotional territory."
Huh! Go figure!
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