truth hurts

you know what i've realised? that yeah, being told the truth can hurt.
but what's worse than being told the truth, is being the one to tell someone the truth. truth that might (or is guaranteed) to hurt them.

so how do you do it? how do you sum up the courage to tell someone whats really going on, when you know your gonna either hurt them, damage the current relationship (that being whatever it is, friends or more) OR fuck it all up completely?
makes it extremely tempting to lie.
though lying and going against what you truely feel is the cowardly way out, and, is more of an insult to the other person that being honest.

how do you tell someone you've tried, but can't?

i think the worst thing is not knowing. not knowing what they'll say, not knowing what they'll do, not knowing how they'll react..

and you never know! they may feel the same, or, they may never speak to you again. either way, its a 50/50 chance of all blowing up in your face. then what? by being honest you could end up losing everything, because it's not really a 'win, win' or 'break even' or 'win, lose' situation. i don't see anything being gained from this..

i don't really know what to do.
i don't want to hurt anyone, myself included, but i don't want to lie either.. but telling them what they don't want to hear is going to hurt them..

it's a pickle ey! i'm not really sure how i'm gonna get myself out of this one...

help?... please?... anyone?...

..connections..

there are many ways to be close to someone.

you can be close intellectually, emotionally and of course physically, to name a few.

sitting with two of my best friends we were talking about the desire to be closer to people we know.

one saying that they "would bang *that person* silly if it meant they could be closer to them."

but not just in the sense of sex, it was more about the desire to connect with that person on a deeper level. to understand them more than they already did.

i then began to wonder myself who i had wanted to become closer to, and the lengths i had gone to, or considered going to, in the pursuit to gain that deeper connection.

some people you befriend and the connection is instantaneous. others you meet through friends and the connection grows as you initiate more contact with that person. you can love them for all their faults as well as all the things you have in common.

and this attraction to another can not always be easily explain to yourself, let alone another. and it may not be in the pursuit of anything serious or long term. it may not be a physical attraction, or it may be a main factor, it may be an attraction to their idea's and feelings, but most of the time, its more of an attraction to their personality. All that other stuff? well the rest of it is just a bonus.

sometime you just have a feeling about someone and things may not happen straight away, but its when they say or do something specific that strikes at your curiosity and its there the desire to be closer to them is born. the desire to know more.

you'll start thinking of ways to see them more if you don't see them often and will find excuses to get in contact with them. inviting them out, seeing how they are, bringing up personal jokes to spark conversation and of course playing dumb and asking questions you know the answers to.

and you may sit there thinking about them and catch yourself off guard and then question, "i don't understand it, and i can't explain it, but i want to see them more and i don't know why.."

don't fight it.

sometimes you need to pursue things/people like that because if you don't you'll never know if you missing out on an amazing opportunity. sometimes you need to prove yourself wrong, or, unfortunately... or thankfully, prove yourself right.

it's the question "what if". and who cares what others think. that person may not measure up to someone else's usually pathetically stereotypical and materialistic standards, but if they mean something to YOU then that's all that should matter.

as i said to a friend recently, this is YOUR life, its YOUR existence. you're only going to be here once. embrace it and learn from it. live life and don't lose the lessons you've learnt along the way.

people can surprise you, if you give them the chance to do so..

..life is short..

Life is short.

Break the rules,

Forgive quickly,

Kiss slowly,

Love truly,

Laugh uncontrollably,

And never forget anything that made you laugh...